Why You’re Not Going After What You Want

In this episode, I’m sharing a bit about the season I’m currently in and how it’s reflecting the same patterns I’m seeing with my clients.

I also talk about the truth behind feeling “stuck,” why you probably already know what you want, and what actually gets in the way of going after it.

Lastly, I'm opening up a few 1:1 coaching spots, beginning in April. Apply here.

Connect with me:

• Resources: https://www.shanettamcdonald.com/free 
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamshanettamcdonald/
• Newsletter sign-up: https://shanetta.substack.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome to Your Body Knows, a podcast for women ready to return to their bodies and reclaim their power, their truth, and their way forward. I'm your host, Shanetta McDonald, a somatic life coach and writer. Each episode will explore the messy, beautiful work of healing, self-trust, and learning to feel at home in your own skin. Whether you're in a season of transition or simply longing to feel more like yourself, this space is for you. Let's listen in.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

Hello, hello. Welcome to the podcast. This is Shenadan McDonald. I am a Sematic Life coach, writer, mother, and I am the host of Your Body Knows. So welcome if you haven't been here before, or thanks for returning if you have been here before. This is going to be a short solo pod, and it'll be a little bit more personal than usual, but still really intentional. Lately, I've been going through a season of change, some big shifts happening in my personal life, things around my home, family structure, and also how I'm showing up as a mother and as a woman. I won't get into all the details, but I do want to share this part. I am being asked to get really clear and honest about what I want for my life and to create that vision. Not what looks good on paper, not what feels the most comfortable, but what is actually true for me. And that process has been confronting, but also really clarifying. What's interesting is that while I've been moving through this personally, I've also been seeing very similar patterns come up with my clients. Different situations, different women, different lives, but the same core struggles underneath. So I wanted to talk about two of those patterns today because I have a feeling that they might resonate with you too. The first pattern is that we actually do know what we want. Most of us, if not all of us, actually do know what we want. And I know that might not feel true at first, especially for a lot of us who are going through transition just like I am. Or if you've been feeling stuck or unsure, a lot of people say, I don't know what I want, or I just need clarity. But I what I found over and over again is that when we slow things down and really get honest with ourselves, there's usually some level of knowing there or honesty, or there's a glimmer, or there's some sort of trail that can lead us to our higher truth and what it is that we want. It might be subtle, it might feel inconvenient, and it might not make any damn sense, but it's there.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

It's there.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

And the real challenge isn't always that we don't know what we want. It's that we don't always let ourselves fully want it. Think about it. From childhood, we have been, no matter how we grew up with whatever environments or family structures, um, there is a part of growing up in society that can smash some of the dreams and hopes and ideas that we have. And so as we grow and evolve, for each of us, there is a little part. Some of us that part may be bigger, some of us it may be smaller or quieter, um, that is afraid to go after what we want for a number of different reasons. Um, maybe we don't think it's possible, maybe we don't think it's socially acceptable, or maybe we don't even know how to get to it. And that causes us to create a lot of limiting beliefs, which I'll get into shortly. Um because once you admit what you want, it becomes real. And when it's real, it often requires change, risks, or difficult conversations. So it can feel easier to stay in the I don't know than to face knowing what knowing might ask of you. Like imagine if you allowed yourself to really feel what you want with the job, with the relationship, with the creative thing, with life, with living. Um, it might require you to do something different. And this big shift that I am walking through right now uh required me to get really honest with myself, to allow myself to want and believe that I deserve the things that I want and to make a change to do something differently. And so there's steps to getting there. It's not enough to just even know what we want. Um, do we believe that we deserve it? We don't need to know how to get there. We don't need to know how the outcome will happen. We just have to allow ourselves to fully believe that what I think I want is actually what I want. And I'm gonna stay grounded in that. And the second part of this, I alluded to it already, is this this pattern of me seeing how much we let our limiting beliefs keep us in place. And I want to talk about this in a slightly different way because I don't think it's just about mindset. Mindset can only get us so far. Um, a lot of the time, those beliefs are actually tied to safety. There are parts of us that don't feel safe having the things that we want. So instead, we create really convincing um reasons to stay where we are. We tell ourselves things like it's not the right time, or I need to be more prepared, or what if this doesn't work out? And those thoughts are not random at all. It's our body's way of protecting us from the unknown, from something that is unknown or something that doesn't feel safe. Um, our bodies are literally trying to keep us from experiencing the things like rejection, instability, or being misunderstood. And I don't think there's anything wrong per se with that. But uh, I when I I talk to clients, I find I have a number of different ways to identify limiting beliefs. And sometimes, depending on the client, I'll be clear about how I identify that limiting belief with them. But if you are uh stuck or feeling unsure about something and the way you speak about it is in absolutes, meaning always, never, impossible, can't, uh, you're probably stuck in a limiting belief. Um, if the way you think about something or you speak about this situation you're struggling with is in a way of uh defeat, like you've already defeated yourself before you've already tried the thing, there's a limiting belief there. If it's attached to an outcome or if it's comparing yourself to someone else in their situation, there's probably a limiting belief there. And so even if, you know, these limiting beliefs say they they can keep us stuck. Um, so even if something isn't fulfilling, it can still feel safer than the unknown. And these limiting beliefs allow us to kind of sit in this place of of just, you know, what our bodies deem as safety.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

And again, this is something that I've been sitting with in my own life uh for not a long time, but in certain situations.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

And um the work that I do is it's really important for me to live it to give it. And so I use these values, I use the tools that I uh support clients with. I use them on myself to identify when I'm stuck in a limiting belief or um when I'm not really being honest with myself about what I want. Um, I've had to ask myself if I'm truly honest about what I want, am I willing to follow that? Am I willing to make decisions that might disappoint people or that might not make sense to everyone else? I've made many decisions in the past few years that on paper don't make decisions to anyone else, but not making those decisions would have been a deep level of betrayal to me and myself.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

I have to ask myself, am I willing to choose differently than I have before?

SPEAKER_02 9:04

It's not about knowing it's not all about knowing what you want. I've identified that that's really important. Knowing what you want and allowing yourself to feel into what you want is really important. But it's also about having the capacity to move forward and move towards it. And that's what I work with clients on is getting really clear about what is it that you want. Is it true? Is that what you want? And if you don't know what we want, what you want, how do we get clear on that? And then how do we move you forward to get what you want? And sometimes, sometimes people start working with me and they come into our work together and have an idea of what they want, and it changes because they they've gotten an opportunity to get really clear and really honest with themselves about I thought that's what I want, but it's not what I want. I actually want this thing, or this is the the feeling that I actually want from it.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Um, and the initial avenue that I thought I could get this feeling from is completely different.

SPEAKER_02 10:13

And so these are just some things to think about. You know, if you're listening to this and it's resonating, um I want to offer you a few things to reflect on. First, ask yourself, what do I actually want if I'm being honest? What do I actually want? And if I already have a sense of that, what am I afraid would happen if I really went for it?

SPEAKER_00 10:37

What part of me doesn't feel safe having it? Because your life doesn't change just from having the clarity, like I mentioned.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

It changes when you're willing to take the aligned action, even when it's uncomfortable, even when you don't know the outcome, even when fill in the blank. And like I mentioned, you know, I I work with clients who are experiencing these challenges pretty much all the time. I think every client I have right now is in this space. And so um, inside my one-on-one coaching container, we're not just talking about what you want on a surface level. We're going deep. We're working with your patterns, your nervous system, and the parts of you that are trying to stay safe so that you can actually move forward in a sustainable way. And feel good about it, feel fired up about it, feel excited about it, feel clear about it. Right now I'm opening up three slots for my three-month one-on-one container. This starts, I'm opening it up now, but this starts in April. And so if you've been feeling stuck, or if this episode even just brought something up for you, uh, or you know someone who's going through this, uh, it might be a really supportive space for you or said person to explore that more deeply. If you're interested, obviously you can reach out to me directly or check the link in the show notes and we can see if it's a good fit. That's all I have for you today. I have a list of amazing guests that are coming up on the podcast and coming months. I've been easing my way into this year. It's almost spring equinox by the time I'm recording this, and I can't believe we're almost done with the first quarter of the year. Um, but yeah, I'm being very intentional about who's on this podcast, who's in this space. If you know of anyone who you feel is aligned, I always like to see what my community, who my community is drawn to. So feel free to shoot me an email or send them my way. But um, my intention isn't to just crank out a bunch of episodes just because there is some need to that I've made up. Um, my intention is to find women who really resonate with the work that I'm doing and the the community like you who's listening to this, so you can actually get something out of it. And so I hope to still do bi-weekly episodes, but I'm also in a season of transition, y'all. So bear with me. Bear with me. And that's what I have for you today. Uh, again, a little bit more personal, but also very connected to the work that I'm doing every day, which lights me up. I hope this gave you something to reflect on. Be well, stay well, regulate your nervous system, and I will talk to you soon.